As humans, we’re always faced with the big questions of life, the universe and everything. These core questions are at the heart of our collective unconscious, deeply ingrained in the very fabric of our souls. We all have our unique ways of seeking the answers—or avoiding the questions. When we encounter characters in story that grapple with Why? How? What does it mean? How should I live?, ours spirits quicken, and we lean in close to catch the secrets they discover on their quests for understanding themselves and the worlds in which they exist, real or imagined.

At the heart of the matter is perhaps a yearning as simple as this: we're always looking for connections with people. Ages ago, huddled around campfires, our ancestors told stories of gods and monsters to answer the questions of how we got here and why things were the way they were. These mythic stories, passed down through generations, connected people through time. Those ancient singular personalities grew into universal archetypal heroes questing for the answers to life's big questions, which remain the same, age upon age.

Movies are today's campfire stories. We sit in the dark, light flickering on our faces, looking for glimmers of understanding about others and ourselves as the stories unfold. We learn about ourselves from others, and through our stories, can teach others about ourselves. That, if anything, is the formula for a good campfire story. Telling a story that resonates deeply, that connects us with others through shared experiences or quests—the Hero’s Journey.

So imagine yourself seated at the fire, your companions huddled close, listening with rapt attention as your relate your story—your own heroic, mythic quest. You begin by telling them about the call, the day that you knew in your bones what you must do, what you must choose…and what you must sacrifice. Ah, sacrifice. The listeners nod with understanding. Who among us has not feared and resisted the Call as much as we have yearned for it? But finally, you tell them, it became more unbearable not to answer than any sacrifice that may be required, and courageously, you set forth. Courage, as they say, is only courage when there is something real to fear.

And then it happened! The dragon, the challenger reared up, larger than life! “Oh, how I struggled!” you tell them, their eyes wide and mouths open, holding their breath. The task seemed insurmountable, the way to victory obscured. You relate how you took the nightmare in your own hands and vanquished it at last, through more strength, cunning and valor than you thought possible, not in a hundred lifetimes! When the monster lay at your feet, powerless, you looked around, and the world had changed forever in your eyes. Your listeners let out their breath in a collective sigh…and you tell them of the long way home, to loved ones familiar to you but now, you so unfamiliar to them.

And so it goes, hero following hero, across the pages of books, over tongues of storytellers, reflected on the screen…Heroes All.
  ¶ 03:38

 
So before I headed out to L.A., I sunburned the tops of my feet, and was plagued with itchy patches. I'm sure the regular scratching didn't help, but I've been having probelms with them ever since, treated mostly with Vitamin A-D ointment.

Decided to try something new and exciting over the weekend, and picked up some anit-itch cream with aloe vera. After a few days of using this, my feet are almost all better, and not nearly as itchy or peely. Interesting.  ¶ 19:47

 
It's been a while since I've done anything here. It's been a busy couple of weeks, and with Jennifer's visit last weekend, I've not really felt the need to dump the contents of my head. But once more, I'm in a love-hate relationship with this place.

What I love

Honestly, the film industry. This town is so steeped in film, and it's incredibly somple to make movies here. Sure there's permitting nightmares and rules and regulations up the yin-yang, but the talent pool for both crew and cast is virtually unlimited.

The networking opportunities. Since I've been here, I've met at least a dozen people who can be very valuable to my network. Some I met through working with Molly, others I met just by virtue of my living my life and doing my thing. Imagine what wold happen if I tried to meet people and contacts in earnest. I could work quite steadily.

The support for independent film in incredible. I visited IFP's offices about a week back (they're in the same office as our casting sessions), and they've got half a floor of a huge building, about fifteen staffers and a huge library of books and media that you can use by flashing your IFP card.

The movie selection is incredible. Laemmle, dedicated to independent American cinema and foreign films, has 39 screens areound the city, compared to a paltry five Landmark screens in Milwaukee, some of which will occasionally show mainstream Hollywood fare anyway. I saw five movies this weekend, all of them wonderful. Where the f*ck else cold I see "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" with live accompaniment by Sparklehorse in an open-air amphitheater? They even slowed the projector down to 18fps, which I've never seen anywhere before. I also saw some incredible films like "Blue Car" and "Jet Lag" which may or may not make it to Milwaukee.

The work is great. I love what I'm doing. It's all about the celluloid. There's great people to work with, lots of great opportunities to work on various types of projects from commercials to music videos to feautures and everything else. And with this being the center of the media universe, it's the place to be.

Diversity is great. I never really realized just how segregated Milwaukee was until my last time out here, but no matter where I go in this city, I see white, yellow, black and red skin all together on the streets, and pretty much OK with that (we're not talking about LAPD here).

Culture. Fashion. Music. Literature. Theater. Then there's Milwaukee. 'Nuff said.

What I hate

There's too much. Of everything. Maybe this should be separate bullet points.

And so it is.

Too many people. The crush of humanity everywhere. I never feel like I can get away or be alone int he city. There's always people around to see, hear, interact with. An empty cafe? Right.

Too many cars. When I have to drive around for forty minutes looking for a parking space, that's too many cars. When rush hour lasts twenty-two and a half hours, that's too many cars. When it takes forty minutes to go about five miles, that's too many cars.

Too much pollution. Air quality here sucks. Someone once said that beathing in L.A. was like sunburning your lungs. Too bad I can't inhale Solarcaine. Huffing Solarcaine. There's an interesting thought.

Too much heat and sun. Ok, I know there are those who would argue about this (Jennifer) but it's too freaking hot for me here, and the sun is too direct. I know, I know, it's a dry heat, but sheesh...it's too hot.

Too expensive. Everything here, especially real estate and rents is just ungodly expensive.

Too much like high school. See previous posts. See "New Suit".

The weekend reminded me of a lot of these details. As much as I like the place and what it has to offer, it's still L.A.

  ¶ 20:50

 
Going to see Cremaster 3 tonight. It narrates construction of the Chrysler building in New Your; a metaphorical journey through through Solomon's Temple with Hiram Abiff and the entered Apprentice whose story is told throughout the world in the symbology of masonry. I can hardly wait.

The Cremaster Cycle
Director: Matthew Barney
Rating: NR
Genre: Musical/Drama/Fantasy

Applauded as "ultimately the most important American artist of his generation" by New York Times art critic Michael Kimmelman, Matthew Barney is the art star du jour thanks to his five-part epic CREMASTER film saga, based on the evolution of form. Matthew Barney started with CREMASTER 4 in 1994 and completed the cycle with CREMASTER 3 in 2002. It is named after the cremaster, the muscle that regulates the height of the testicles in the male body, based on outside temperature or inner emotions. In Barney's work, the term refers to the idea of gender undifferentiation, which characterises a fetus' first seven weeks in the uterus before the sexual organs ascend to form a female or descend to form a male body. This undefined state is the departing point for Matthew Barney to relentlessly explore the evolution of form through fantastical allegories and metaphors encompassing biology, classic mythology, religion and Hollywood culture.

Cremaster 1 (1995) 40 min.
Cremaster 2 (1999) 1 hr. 19 min.
Cremaster 3 (2002) 3 hrs. 2 min.
Cremaster 4 (1994) 42 min.
Cremaster 5 (1997) 55 min.
  ¶ 18:09

 
So last night, after the screening, we went to the reception at Dolce, one of Los Angeles' hottest new restaurants. Molly and John had a very interesting point. Hollywood is like one big high school.

The second an actor gets popular, EVERYONE is on the bandwagon to get the actor in things, and as soon as he or she does something stupid in a film, the career's over. If an agent recommends someone for a film and the film bombs, that agent can lose his or her job.

Producers in the studio system are in a similar position. They're judged, get and lose jobs over opening weekend results on films. They're reluctant to greenlight anything that's a little quirky or out of the ordinary, because they may be unemployed the following month. They seek out the next big thing based on current trends and try to schmooze their way into the next deal that'll save their careers.

Cliques following trends.

Just like high school. No wonder it's so annoying to me.

Just plain wackiness
Best misuse of pop culture references heard this week: "She's like Dr. Heckle and Mr. Jekyll"

So there's this website we go to when we need to find out who represents an actor...it's whorepresents.com. Molly pointed out that in addition to spelling "who represents," it also spells "whore presents." So that's how I see it now. That's almost as good as coagulations on the new baby.
  ¶ 16:32

 
Friday, I had my meeting with Larry about "Thrid Rail" and it was a significantly better than my Mike Medavoy meeting last fall. It got off to a good start; he was flattered that I was asking to pass the script along instead of just sending it out without asking. Duh. It's strange when my normal ethics are the exception rather than the rule...which is one of the reasons I'm not a big fan of L.A. But I digress.

Since the meeting, I've been in a strange state of mind. I got a meeting with a VP at Universal, just by asking. I must know have some kind of an air that I know what I'm talking about, or that would never have happened. Lots of people out here have their bullshit filters set way high, because there is a significant amount of bullshit to sift through, but somehow, I made it through his. Or maybe I confused him by not slinging any.

I've been meeting with indie filmmaker after indie filmmaker about various projects, methods and ideas since I got here, and I can tell that I'm changing the way I deal with production. I'm starting to realize that I need to get out of Milwaukee, and soon, to figure out how I'm changing.

Not that I want to move to L.A., but at least closer. Santa Fe, Flagstaff, Sacramento, Portland...something. I'm getting sick of having to fight to get film recognized in Milwaukee, and seeing how easy it is to make a film out here...the talent pool, both cast and crew is a lot bigger, the inventment pool has an understanding of the mechanics of the industry, and the networking opportunities are so much more prevalent...get me more and more frustrated with trying to get things done in Milwaukee. Seeing what I can accomplish in L.A. makes me question if the effort to build Milwuakee's film community is worth it.

Scary thoughts, and I'm really struggling with it. I'm starting to think that I need to live somewhere else for a while to gain som perspective. Maybe I need to follow Jeff's career path--"make it" in Hollywood, then come back to the Midwest (or someplace more tolerable to live than L.A.) and do all my deals from there.

Something that's been weighing on my mind.

So I had to walk away from a discussion with Molly this AM. I went out with Dave and his girlfriend last night. She's a photographer, mostly headshots, and wants to get into still photography for films. She needs to build a portfolio of features, and offered to do our movie for free. I talked to Molly about it, and her thing was that she wanted to see a portfolio, and she'd really have to think about it carefully. She's hired people who were on set for stills and she didn't get the results that she wanted, so she's leery of someone 'too green'.

My philosophy is that if you hire someone a little green who's still hungry, they're enthusiasm for doing a good job, making great contacts, and getting a good referral for future work will make up for their lack of experience. Molly, on the other hand, wants to spend time finding someone with a lot of experience who's willing to work for peanuts. She'd rather pay for experience with money we may not necessarily have and get certain results than take a chance on new talent. I had to walk away until later.

1.) Last week, she was talking about sending an intern to set to do it.
2.) We're trying to cut corners wherever we can.
3.) Molly wanted me out here to show here how to do a film for cheap, but every time I show her how to do a film for cheap, she doesn't trust it.

Oy.

It's a frustrating day. I think I'm going to go walk through the La Brea tar pits and try to calm my head. It's not a bad day--I don't think I've had a bad day since I've been here--just really frustrating.
  ¶ 15:46