In exploring the issue about why I dislike people and human interaction so much, I ran across a couple very interesting links.

http://autism.about.com/cs/adultswithasd/a/adults_w_asperg.htm
I'm going through the list of characteristics, and damned if it doesn't sound dead-on accurate. I sent J. an e-mail asking what she thought. After all, she knows me better than most.

I find social situations confusing.
I said "Yes, this one is very much me, and I'm not sure if confusing is the right word. I do know that I'm not as comfortable in social situations as I am in small group or one on one situations, and frequently don't know the 'right' way to act/be or the right things to do in the situation. I've most often expressed this as my dislike of small talk...but that's only 'cause that's the one concrete thing that I can think of to do in those situations. So given that, what's your persepctive on how I handle myself in social situations? Adequately? or do I stumble through awkwardly?"
And J. replied, "Um, I think you're better at it than you used to be. When you're around me, you tend to let me talk and you sit back. When you're on your own, you are far more engaged. J. noticed this, too. I think you miss out on a lot of cues, though, so the answer is most likely yes."

I find it hard to make small talk.
I said "I think we've talked about this, and I think I agree with this one; is that what you recall? See above for the other part of this...I think they're kinda related."
And J. replied "yes, see above."

I did not enjoy imaginative story-writing at school.
I said "I know that I *did* story writing, but I don't know if I liked or disliked it. This isn't one I'd expect you to have any input upon. I'm barely able to answer it myself. "

I am good at picking up details and facts.
I said "My propensity for remembering trivia and how I'm a savant for numbers makes me think this may be true. I'm also good at picking up instructions and processes."
And J. replied "You pick up the things that register on your radar. In general it's true."

I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling.
I said "I think we've talked about how I'm relatively clueless about a lot of emotional subtleties and picking up nonverbals and body language. We've had many conversations about what people were thinking (e.g., 'she's totally hitting on you') that I've not gotten unless you point it out, so I *think* you've observed this behavior in me. Thoughts?"
And J. replied "Agreed."

I can focus on certain things for very long periods.
I said "To some extent, and depending what it is. I guess this is true for me, since it says 'certain things', but I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure what the meaning of 'focus on' would be...are we talking sticking with something or are we talking an unnatural obsession? What have you noticed?"
And J. replied "Yes. You can work at something a very long time w/o getting bored."

People often say I was rude even when this was not intended.
I said "You say this a lot. OK, maybe not that I was rude, but that certain behavior was rude. It seems like this is a quite frequent thing, and most often related to social situations, so there may be some things related to the above that are factoring in, too, but how do you see the frequency at which you perceive me to be rude?"
And J. replied "Hard to say, but it happens often enough to be a pattern."

I have unusually strong, narrow interests.
I said "I know that we've sometimes talked about how my interests are narrow: mostly film, music and art. I see this as natural, and don't have a sense of whether or not it's 'unusually' strong and/or narrow. What's your perspective on that?"
And J. replied "My opinion is yes, but that's my opinion."

I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way.
I said "Is that what you mean when you point out how black and white my thinking is at times?" And J. replied "Yes."

I have always had difficulty making friends.
I said "I think this is something that you've recognized in me, and I've receognized in myself, which is why I'm making an effort to build a larger social network."
And J. replied "Agreed."

Hmm. Something I'll have to look into a little bit more.

  ¶ 08:46

 
WRITER’S NOTE: Due to unforeseen scheduling problems, I plumb ran out of time to get this finished in time for the May newsletter deadline. Sincerest apologies; I hope you enjoy it even though it’s a month late.
-D.

Pecker is busy preparing for his photo show. With a beat up old camera he’s salvaged from his Mom’s thrift store, he’s snapping pictures all around Baltimore. Pictures of people he passes on the bus, of garbage in the street, of the food he cooks at work, and of his girlfriend Shelly working at the Laundromat. Along the way, he distributes flyers for his show to everyone he meets.

“Everything always looks good through here,” he remarks as he views the world through his camera. He knows he’s good at what he does and he enjoys it a lot. When Rorey, a New York gallery owner on business in Baltimore sees his show, she buys a photo, his first sale, and offers to give him a show in her gallery.

The show is a roaring success, nearly selling out, and Pecker’s the toast of the New York art scene. Upon his return to Baltimore, Rorey calls to tell him to prepare for a show at the Whitney Museum, and makes some suggestions about what to shoot. But Pecker cant make any decent photographs anymore. Although he’s wildly successful as a photographer, it’s not at all what he expected.

Wherever he points his lens, he’s not finding the inspiration that used to guide him. The friends and neighbors whose everyday lives comprised his celebrated photographs are angry with him. He’s no longer just some neighborhood kid who liked to goof around with a camera, but rather someone who’s used his friends for personal gain, and in some cases, caused problems for his subjects when the photos were published.

He can’t take candid shots anymore, and although Rorey encourages him, he’s not happy with any of his new work. Pecker’s finally achieved his dream of making a living as a photographer—but it’s nothing like he expected it to be. There are expectations he’s not comfortable meeting and he senses that wrapped in his dream is someone he’s not comfortable becoming.

As his life topples around him and his family is affected by the situation, Pecker tells Rorey to cancel the Whitney show. If there’s going to be a photo show, it’s going to be in Baltimore.

When Pecker decides to make art for himself, his muse returns. He reconciles with his friends and his Baltimore show is a resounding success attended by a busload of New York art lovers who are enamored of this teenage photo prodigy.

Pecker had built a tower of what it would be like to make money from his art, but the reality of how that happened gave him pause. Was it really worth the price he had to pay? Ultimately, Pecker needed to take another look at his vision of success and decide for himself what was truly important for him and his art.

This article is the fifth in a series of film reviews based on the major arcana of the tarot. It was published in the Diana's Grove Mystery School Newsletter in June of 2004.
  ¶ 08:00